Blogpost #4 Jealousy: Sibling Rivalry

Jealousy is very common among siblings. The problem is when one child bullies or hurt emotionally or physically the other.  Me for instance, I became jealous of my sister when my mom gave birth to her I thought that their love for me would lessen but somehow they showed me that they both love us but then again sibling rivalry can’t be prevented because in some point in life someone often believes that he gets less love from his parents.

This issue is difficult for a family specially when the siblings keep on fighting with each other to the point that they’re hurting each other physically and destroying each other emotionally. I believe that it’s the parent’s responsibility to help the kids cope with the feelings and let them realize that that they don’t have a favorite. If they didn’t managed their child’s jealousy this may lead to mis- understanding up to their adulthood. My mom always tell me that I should love my sister because at the end it’s the both of us who’ll help each other.

What are the possible ways to manage sibling rivalries? According to the article that I read “Siblings at War in Your Home? (Declare a Ceasefire Now!)” by James Lehman there are 4 ways to deal with this situation.

Hold both kids responsible for their behavior

Usually in a fight one child would start it by teasing the other or calling the other terrible names which start an exchange of damages. Whether you know who’s fault it is you have to hold both kids accountable. After all it takes two to tango.

Set up a “bickering table”

Bickering means to argue. If ever that your children is always having an argument set up a bickering table and a time for them to quarrel for example 3 pm- 3:30 pm. They have 30 mins in there to argue. Though they run out of things to argue about set a rule that if they didn't argue in the morning they have to go to the bickering table for an hour. You’ll be surprised on how they will have enough of their everyday argument.

Stop refereeing your kids’ fights

I remember how my mom always takes sides when me and my sister is in a fight. I really hate it, it’s unfair. One of the possible solutions is to stop getting in the middle of your child’s argument if it has nothing to do with hitting each other physically. It is recommended for you to just set a rule, For example tell them that “There’s no fighting in the house, and these are the consequences for your behavior. You two kids have to learn to walk away from each other. And if you’re not willing to do that, then you’re both going to be held responsible for the consequences.”

De-fuse jealousy

If one of your child feels jealous of his sibling try not to take it as a big deal. Jealousy when it comes to siblings is normal. In my opinion I recommend you to compliment both of them equally for example “Well, you know, that’s natural, we all feel jealous sometimes. Ryan may have done well in soccer, but I watched you do your math homework and get it all done the other night, and I know it was hard.” Always compliment your children on the good things that they have done. And show them that you value their efforts equally.

I believe that sibling rivalry is normal, having fights with your brother/ sister is a part of life and growing up. But you always have to remember that you have to be responsible of what you're doing or what words that utter from your mouth because it can't be taken back. Love your siblings because they're the only person who you can run to when you need help for something, your parents won't live in this world forever love your family and tell them how much you mean the world to them when you have the chance cause you might not know what tomorrow brings to you.