Blogpost #1 Jealousy: Is it bad or good?

Have you ever felt  jealous? Is jealousy really bad or good? Did you have this feeling of insecurity when someone you love shows affection to other people? In my younger years, when my sister came to the world I felt like I am out of place. But when Mom assures and showed her love to me that's when I realized that me and my sister both occupies her heart.

"Jealousy is an anticipatory emotion. It seeks to prevent loss," said Ralph Hupka, Professor of Psychology, Emeritus at California State University at Long Beach.

Jealousy is an emotion cause by fear of losing someone you value very much. It is a response to perceive threat which is normal, it is not necessarily bad because you are just expressing your love and showing how you value whether it’s love relationship or sibling rivalry. The only dilemma is when you cannot control your behavior anymore and you can no longer control your response leading to physical abuse or self implicated harm.

In a relationship, once somebody got jealous there will be automatic argument, it could be detrimental to a relationship if it not settled, on the other hand, it could strengthen the relationship, I believe every relationship has it’s twist and turn it depends on the person involve how they handle every situation they encounter.

According to the article Understanding Jealousy of  Tina Kells, there are 3 types of Jealousy:

Irrational Jealousy

This is all in the mind, a  type of jealousy caused by imagination or misperceived events. Tina Kells said “Irrational jealousy is never healthy. It is based on paranoia and insecurity not in reality”.  Irrational jealous people hang down on what they feel, they think that there is a problem though there is no signs or proof of guilt.

People suffering from this type of jealousy have no reliable external validation of what they feel, this condition often lead to depression. They believed that they’re right even though they have no evidence to accuse their partner. It is very difficult to convince them of a wrong belief, they don’t  see the truth because they rely heavily on their feelings.

This type of jealousy needs special treatment, obtaining professional care can contribute highly in their treatment especially if the person can no longer be calmed or if there is management difficulty.   

Destructive Jealousy

Destructive jealousy has a basis, unlike irrational jealousy this type is happening in real world. The burning emotional menace that is stimulating jealousy is true and have a solid external evidence of  guilt. This type of jealousy is reasonable. According to Tina Kells, "The way this jealousy plays out is the problem".

People who suffer from this type of jealousy usually fires back the person who hurt them. It is not an effective protection mechanism because the focus is on hurting back not reaching a solution. The focus to this problem is not settlement rather revenge, more of inflicting pain to the person who have cause the depression.

Professional healthcare councilor are the best remedy to a destructive jealousy. 

Proactive Jealousy

This type of jealousy is completely rational, there is nothing destructive about this. This is based on a real danger to ones emotional security. Unlike destructive jealousy this does not inflict harm to the person who caused the pain rather avoiding being hurt again by taking actions such as going out of the relationship, lessen the pain that was incurred. Manifestations of violence or self harm is rare.

Proactive Jealousy is a mechanism of protection, so as to preserve one's self not vengeance. Putting an end to a bad relationship and unhealthy friendship to prevent further damage and pain.

"Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. -Maya Angelou"

I believe that jealousy is normal because you value someone you love and the fear of losing the person is the primary concern. In this view it became an anger, it is very important to control anger, calm down and find ways to look at the situation in a positive view. Regurgitate the situation and deal with it peacefully. Never allow anger to set in with your decisions it will just make the situation worst and it will take away your composure. Avoid finger- pointing, throwing accusations, calling out others on their behavior. You should take the responsibility to your actions and reactions. Settle things by reaching for the possible solution.

Consider and listen to other people side because it may not be what you really think. It differ in perspective and you must know the complete story before concluding. Most of the time mis- communication and mis-interpretation is the reason of the differences, that's why before getting jealous, you should get all the necessary facts. You cannot control other's behavior but you can control yourself. Jealousy is a good reaction because it means protecting you from harm but it should be healthy because it can give you lessons on how to deal with life's different colors.