Blogpost #6 Who's more jealous a man or a woman?

Have you ever wonder who gets jealous the most? A man or a woman? Based on my experience I think that women gets jealous a lot since I experienced it before but that doesn't mean that I'm right. Our teacher conducted a survey on who gets jealous the most and surprisingly "Boys" is the dominant answer. I was shocked about that because boys usually hide their feelings because they don't want to look gay in people's eyes.

According to the article "Who are the most prone to jealousy - men or women?" by Richard Kennedy Several studies have shown that men are more prone to becoming jealous than women. One survey showed that 67% of the time, the reasons for failed relationships and broken marriages can be traced back to the jealousy of the husband or boyfriend. 

Jealousy is a negative behavior though I sometimes find it sweet if the person shows jealousy because it means that they value you and how much you are important to them. But even though that it somehow show some positive effects on the relationship it doesn't mean that you always have to make your partner jealous because what if sometime he/ she felt that she had enough of everything. Right? They say that “A relationship that is built on jealousy will never really work out in the long-run.”

Blogpost #5 Differentiating Envy from Jealousy

Theres a huge difference between jealousy and envy though sometimes people think that they are the same. I do to before but when that one question popped on my mind I realized that I have to do my research on it and voila I'm here to share it to you. 

While I was searching for articles that may be related to this topic I found the perfect article that answers my question "Covetous: The Difference Between "Jealousy" and "Envy" " by Merill Perlman

Jealousy is the fear of losing someone or being watchful on keeping someone that you value very much. Jealousy has a strong feelings attached to it.. The word "jealous" came from a word "zealous" which means "ardent devotion" If there is a threat on something you have that you value very much like relationship it is called jealousy.

On the contrary, Envy is more like want or desire of something that you don't have that you see in someone else's like designer bags, luxury cars, properties. Though sometimes the word "envy" is considered as a more pleasant term that jealousy. The word envy came from a word "invidere" which means "give someone the evil eye"

Based on reading articles about their differences fed my empty mind, I realized that jealousy usually connects to love & relationships while envy connects to wanting something that someone else has. 

Blogpost #4 Jealousy: Sibling Rivalry

Jealousy is very common among siblings. The problem is when one child bullies or hurt emotionally or physically the other.  Me for instance, I became jealous of my sister when my mom gave birth to her I thought that their love for me would lessen but somehow they showed me that they both love us but then again sibling rivalry can’t be prevented because in some point in life someone often believes that he gets less love from his parents.

This issue is difficult for a family specially when the siblings keep on fighting with each other to the point that they’re hurting each other physically and destroying each other emotionally. I believe that it’s the parent’s responsibility to help the kids cope with the feelings and let them realize that that they don’t have a favorite. If they didn’t managed their child’s jealousy this may lead to mis- understanding up to their adulthood. My mom always tell me that I should love my sister because at the end it’s the both of us who’ll help each other.

What are the possible ways to manage sibling rivalries? According to the article that I read “Siblings at War in Your Home? (Declare a Ceasefire Now!)” by James Lehman there are 4 ways to deal with this situation.

Hold both kids responsible for their behavior

Usually in a fight one child would start it by teasing the other or calling the other terrible names which start an exchange of damages. Whether you know who’s fault it is you have to hold both kids accountable. After all it takes two to tango.

Set up a “bickering table”

Bickering means to argue. If ever that your children is always having an argument set up a bickering table and a time for them to quarrel for example 3 pm- 3:30 pm. They have 30 mins in there to argue. Though they run out of things to argue about set a rule that if they didn't argue in the morning they have to go to the bickering table for an hour. You’ll be surprised on how they will have enough of their everyday argument.

Stop refereeing your kids’ fights

I remember how my mom always takes sides when me and my sister is in a fight. I really hate it, it’s unfair. One of the possible solutions is to stop getting in the middle of your child’s argument if it has nothing to do with hitting each other physically. It is recommended for you to just set a rule, For example tell them that “There’s no fighting in the house, and these are the consequences for your behavior. You two kids have to learn to walk away from each other. And if you’re not willing to do that, then you’re both going to be held responsible for the consequences.”

De-fuse jealousy

If one of your child feels jealous of his sibling try not to take it as a big deal. Jealousy when it comes to siblings is normal. In my opinion I recommend you to compliment both of them equally for example “Well, you know, that’s natural, we all feel jealous sometimes. Ryan may have done well in soccer, but I watched you do your math homework and get it all done the other night, and I know it was hard.” Always compliment your children on the good things that they have done. And show them that you value their efforts equally.

I believe that sibling rivalry is normal, having fights with your brother/ sister is a part of life and growing up. But you always have to remember that you have to be responsible of what you're doing or what words that utter from your mouth because it can't be taken back. Love your siblings because they're the only person who you can run to when you need help for something, your parents won't live in this world forever love your family and tell them how much you mean the world to them when you have the chance cause you might not know what tomorrow brings to you.

Blogpost #3 Jealousy in Science: What part of the brain is active when you're jealous?

Jealousy is a feeIing we do not want but one cannot avoid. I was thinking where jealousy is coming from, what are the factors that stimulates these feelings or does it have something to do with our hormones, blood or brain? Is there a drug to control this emotion? 

Most of the time jealousy have a strong effects to man in a negative manner, So how can we control that feeling? Man are  basically jealous according to Cultural psychologists plainly because we value what we have and there is fear of losing it, mostly seen in relationship or job.

I read this article "The green-eyed monster that lives in your brain: Scientists discover the jealousy lobe" by Daily Mail Reporter and the article stated that scientist discovered the part of our brain that is more active when you feel jealous, it is the same part which detects physical pain. 

This part of your brain lights up when you're jealous. 

This is the region of the brain which controls a person's joy in other people's bad luck its called the Schadenfreude. An experiment  by Hidehiko Takahashi was made by asking some students about their rival while having an MRI, on the other hand scientist are checking the activity of the brain. Scientist noted that the brain became more active when the students shows jealous of their rivals. The experiment includes reading stories to the students regarding the person who they’re jealous from. They cited that their rivals are suffering from misfortunes such as food poisoning. In this vie, MRI showed greater activity in the reward reaction, a part of the brain which is usually active when we received social and financial fortune.

There's a saying, "The misfortunes of others are the taste of honey" said Mr Takahashi. 'The ventral striatum is processing that ‘honey.’' This means that if the subject in which you’re jealous from is suffering from something you feel joy & satisfaction. I believe this shows that jealousy is normal, it is inherent, we cannot control to be jealous but we can control our reaction. There is no drug to control this emotion, but our brain can. 

We cannot avoid feeling jealous but I believe we can control our behavior. In a relationship, friends and lovers should be honest to each other, there must be an open communication, they should talk every time and avoid unspoken emotions because it will lead to build-up, fermenting little things becomes big over time and once full there will be burst of emotion that would lead to uncontrolled physical harm to your partner. The key to a good relationship is keeping and maintaining trust, this is the ingredient that avoids jealous situations at the same time one should be sensitive in recognizing your partner's action if he/she is worried or upset. An immediate dealing with of the situation is very important. What we need is a wider understanding of the situation, wisdom in understanding where you are coming and your partner in a relationship and communication to resolve and not to bring more weight in it.

Blogpost #2 Jealousy in Mythology: Hera's Revenge

I noticed that jealousy has positive & negative sides. Positive side of jealousy is that you show that you value the person and you love them that you're afraid to lose them and the negative side of jealousy is that when it comes with anger that what you feel is that you seek for revenge to the person who hurted you.

Well I believe jealousy exist even before the foundation of the world that's why in The Bible, there were fallen angels that made the world black and white today. I was no longer amazed of romantic jealousy of gods and goddesses, in ancient Greek mythology. Hera, for example, the other half of Zeus (Mt. Olympus leader who obtained many lovers other than his wife), the perfect example of displaying this type of jealousy. Hera out of jealousy made revenge to his husband's lovers. The following are the example who received revenge from Hera that I found in the article "Hera" by Mark Cartwright

Leto

When Hera knew that Leto was pregnant and Zeus is the father she banned her from giving birth to the main land or any land. Hera had her daughter Eileithyia, the goddess of childbirth lengthen Leto's labor to nine months.

Callisto

A follower of Artemis, she took a vow that she will remain a virgin but when Zeus saw her, he fell in love and he disguised himself as Artemis to pull her in his arms. Hera then turned her into a bear.

Io

Hera almost caught Io and Zeus. But Zeus turned her into a beautiful cow. Hera wasn't fooled by that what she did was she demanded Zeus to give the cow to her as a present. When she received Io she gave her to Argus to keep her from distance to Zeus.

Semele

Was a son of Zeus by a mortal woman. Hera out of jealousy attempted to kill Semele by sending titans to rip him into pieces after tempting him with toys.

Jealousy is very destructive in this scene, because the person seek to harm her rival, I believe this case already needs special care from a professional counsellor, Hera needs counselling, her husband on the other side must ensure that she will be taken care of inspite of other woman in his life. I met a Muslim in In Aurora, Quezon, I was amazed of different woman with the same husband living in one compound but they are all happy. They told me that the husband is very fair in terms of the need of each of the family, they are happy probably because this type of situation is already a part of their culture. Amazing but this only shows that every problem has a solution though in other religion it is not acceptable but still, if the case already exist, there still a way of resolving it rather than destroying the one's who hurted you, because it might lead to a more difficult scenario I think that the best way to solve this is through communication and assurance. Talk to your partner regarding what he or she is doing. Everything can be solved by communication. I'm sure that you don't need to be destructive to someone once you know the reason behind why it happened.

Blogpost #1 Jealousy: Is it bad or good?

Have you ever felt  jealous? Is jealousy really bad or good? Did you have this feeling of insecurity when someone you love shows affection to other people? In my younger years, when my sister came to the world I felt like I am out of place. But when Mom assures and showed her love to me that's when I realized that me and my sister both occupies her heart.

"Jealousy is an anticipatory emotion. It seeks to prevent loss," said Ralph Hupka, Professor of Psychology, Emeritus at California State University at Long Beach.

Jealousy is an emotion cause by fear of losing someone you value very much. It is a response to perceive threat which is normal, it is not necessarily bad because you are just expressing your love and showing how you value whether it’s love relationship or sibling rivalry. The only dilemma is when you cannot control your behavior anymore and you can no longer control your response leading to physical abuse or self implicated harm.

In a relationship, once somebody got jealous there will be automatic argument, it could be detrimental to a relationship if it not settled, on the other hand, it could strengthen the relationship, I believe every relationship has it’s twist and turn it depends on the person involve how they handle every situation they encounter.

According to the article Understanding Jealousy of  Tina Kells, there are 3 types of Jealousy:

Irrational Jealousy

This is all in the mind, a  type of jealousy caused by imagination or misperceived events. Tina Kells said “Irrational jealousy is never healthy. It is based on paranoia and insecurity not in reality”.  Irrational jealous people hang down on what they feel, they think that there is a problem though there is no signs or proof of guilt.

People suffering from this type of jealousy have no reliable external validation of what they feel, this condition often lead to depression. They believed that they’re right even though they have no evidence to accuse their partner. It is very difficult to convince them of a wrong belief, they don’t  see the truth because they rely heavily on their feelings.

This type of jealousy needs special treatment, obtaining professional care can contribute highly in their treatment especially if the person can no longer be calmed or if there is management difficulty.   

Destructive Jealousy

Destructive jealousy has a basis, unlike irrational jealousy this type is happening in real world. The burning emotional menace that is stimulating jealousy is true and have a solid external evidence of  guilt. This type of jealousy is reasonable. According to Tina Kells, "The way this jealousy plays out is the problem".

People who suffer from this type of jealousy usually fires back the person who hurt them. It is not an effective protection mechanism because the focus is on hurting back not reaching a solution. The focus to this problem is not settlement rather revenge, more of inflicting pain to the person who have cause the depression.

Professional healthcare councilor are the best remedy to a destructive jealousy. 

Proactive Jealousy

This type of jealousy is completely rational, there is nothing destructive about this. This is based on a real danger to ones emotional security. Unlike destructive jealousy this does not inflict harm to the person who caused the pain rather avoiding being hurt again by taking actions such as going out of the relationship, lessen the pain that was incurred. Manifestations of violence or self harm is rare.

Proactive Jealousy is a mechanism of protection, so as to preserve one's self not vengeance. Putting an end to a bad relationship and unhealthy friendship to prevent further damage and pain.

"Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. -Maya Angelou"

I believe that jealousy is normal because you value someone you love and the fear of losing the person is the primary concern. In this view it became an anger, it is very important to control anger, calm down and find ways to look at the situation in a positive view. Regurgitate the situation and deal with it peacefully. Never allow anger to set in with your decisions it will just make the situation worst and it will take away your composure. Avoid finger- pointing, throwing accusations, calling out others on their behavior. You should take the responsibility to your actions and reactions. Settle things by reaching for the possible solution.

Consider and listen to other people side because it may not be what you really think. It differ in perspective and you must know the complete story before concluding. Most of the time mis- communication and mis-interpretation is the reason of the differences, that's why before getting jealous, you should get all the necessary facts. You cannot control other's behavior but you can control yourself. Jealousy is a good reaction because it means protecting you from harm but it should be healthy because it can give you lessons on how to deal with life's different colors.